ALICE & AI

To look at Casey and Kim, one might assume they were siblings. They looked like siblings; same unruly blondish-brown hair, same build, and almost matching facial expressions. Likewise, they held the same social skills, which were extraordinarily few. Their matching personalities also lacked warmth and concern for others. They were not narcissistic – they were too immersed in gaming and repairing computers to deal with people.

They met in college and were soon an item. They married and moved to the edge of a small town where they opened Paradise Computer Sales and Repairs. They lived next to the store in the attached home.

They thrived on fixing machines. Both dreaded sales, but fortunately, it was one area where they could use knowledge instead of salesmanship to close deals.

The store was on the edge of town because property prices were cheaper, and Kim echoed that, given people’s fond attachment to devices, because they were like family pets, would be willing to drive that small distance. The building was a former family-owned and operated drugstore forced out of business by the big box drug store chain that opened in town.

The small storefront became the sales area with computers, screens, printers, and such. The raised platform at the rear naturally became the repair shop. This was an open concept because they believed, and rightly so, that if customers saw them repairing machines, even though they had no clue what was taking place, that they would be impressed.

The home, while attached to the store, sat hidden behind the former drug store. It was one story and the former home of the owners. The kitchen was not stylish. It was now what one would say it looked great five decades ago. Not that Casey or Kim cared. They only saw functionality. The living room and dining room were likewise of a bygone era. The normally unimpressed folks, however, were impressed by the size of the main bedroom; its walk-in closet was more than they needed, since clothing was operational, not fashionable. The daily dress for both was a white company shirt and dark blue pants, of which each had several identical pairs. On the shirts, blue and red lettering with their names and the company name above the left breast. The clothing was a taxable expense.

The master bathroom, like the kitchen, spoke of a previous era, but again stirred some minor joy in the couple. It was large enough to accommodate both at the same time, and it had two sinks!

There were two other bedrooms. A bathroom, whose decor matched the drab kitchen, sat nestled in between those rooms. One bedroom would serve as a library, and the other, well, it would be just extra space. The living room they created included only two fine chairs for reading. They did not have a television or private internet because they saw these as unnecessary. In time, they began to more and more frequently use the business internet. Like much of society, they became absorbed, committed, and addicted to the “world-wide-web.”

Much against their values, they painted the outside with the eye-catching blue and red colors that matched their shirt logos. They believed that this was cheaper than the usual gaudy electric signs. To compensate for this sound business decision, they painted the home with muted colors.

They bought a small, cheap second-hand car. Its main purpose was the required grocery shop and essential trips. The store was open from 8:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., six days a week. They decided to be open before any other computer store in town. Likewise, they were open on Monday when other shops were closed. Through research, they discovered that Tuesday was the slowest day for computer sales and walk-in traffic, bringing in injured machines. They did much to maximize their income and limit costs.

For example, while the store was open on Monday, it was the day Kim or Casey did the weekly grocery shop since they discovered that shopping on Monday, when the stores wanted to get rid of the weekend leftover stock, meant many sales. While they took turns shopping, the other managed the store.

Casey and Kim developed a nutritious nine-day meal plan to break things up from being a monotonous seven-day routine. Yet, in other words, they established a 27-meal plan. People, if ever invited, might discover the faithful routine that did not truly deviate. They saw Easter and Christmas as frivolous commercialism. Consequently, they bought turkeys and hams, and other items on sale post-holidays. The only wonderful aspect of the holidays is that sales were incredibly good.

Given their frugal expenses, computer repair savvy, and nice sales profit, they were annually pleased with their income. They wisely and conservatively invested in conservative portfolios, because “one day might change everything,” in the computing world, and cash was needed!

One day, they were both shaken as an unforeseen event changed everything. Kim was pregnant. When Casey asked, “How did this happen?” Kim did not answer his guileless retort with a, “You know how!” She just stared at her husband in shock. His response was to look stunned.

When Kim’s time came (to use a biblical analogy), she brought forth a daughter whom they called Alice. Neither cared for any of the female family names. They also lacked imagination. They name the newborn after the wife of their local computer sales representative. Alice was a cold wife who traveled with her husband. She, Kim, and Casey all happily lived in silence as Alice’s husband did his sales patter. Alice was the only female they could really call by name. They liked Alice because she was effective and efficient in correcting items in her husband’s sales pitch. In turn, they hope that by giving Alice the honor of naming their daughter after her that they might receive better deals from her husband. It did so once.

The issue of the empty bedroom became the newborn’s. Some might say that even the bedroom became a bedroom to a child it remained empty, void of much human emotion.

Everything about Kim and Casey was unemotional and calculated. The birth of the baby changed everything.

There was little joy when Alice was born. To the medical staff, Casey and Kim were emotionally overwhelmed with the birth of the child. The medical staff saw this as normal and typical new-parenting reactions. In this case, they did not look any deeper and see the new parents’ emotions of uncertainty, joy, and confusion. If they had done a deeper dive into the emotions of Kim and Casey, they might have discovered the raw, “This upsets our planned and regimented world.”

However, tears of despondency, chaos, and the unknown for Kim and Casey underwent a deeper dive when the doctors explained that the newborn showed spine damage. It was unlikely that the newborn would ever walk. The news of specialized medical care stunned the parents more than any joy they felt. Their meticulously organized world just took another slam. Somehow, they adjusted.

In time, Alice learned to crawl, to somehow sit up, and to undertake normal baby rituals. Her first wheelchair arrived when she was a youngster. This liberating ability to move brought her joy. The constant fast movement, hitting walls, and joys of pleasure, not so much to her parents.

Casey and Kim successfully made the case that Alice be homeschooled. While the school board danced and did much posturing, they were, in fact, grateful. The cost of a specialised bussing route, support staff, etc., would stretch the already-in-debt school budget. Thankfully, because of Alice’s needs the expenses the school district passed up the costs, up the chain to the next level of government. In the meetings to arrange lesson plans, Casey and Kim successfully made several sales. They planted seeds among the school visitors about their great store. They said it was a hidden paradise. Sadly, the school officials never cottoned on that they spent more on computing conversations than on Alice’s school needs.

Since Alice was home-schooled and largely isolated from the world, lacking the internet, she did not know about birthdays or Christmas. One cannot grieve over what one does not know. One grieves over what one has lost. Sometimes she looked out her bedroom window and thought she was a prisoner. And yet, because she never knew total freedom, she did not know what restrictions or confinement meant.

Since Alice never experienced worldly joys, she was content in her world of computer repairs. Inclusion in the family business, the family hobby meant the world to Alice – and indeed it was her world. Beyond her homeschooling, her parents spent much time teaching her parts of computers, how to explore for bugs on drives, how to rebuild, and add parts. These were adventures.

Perhaps her greatest joy was that, around age twelve, Alice began to solder. She began making her own rebuilt computers for sale. Casey and Kim often used old trade machines and enjoyed a cannibalistic attack to build “New but Used” machines that sold for a good profit.

The bedroom that served as a library was full of computing books, journals, and magazines. Casey and Kim charted these items in spreadsheets by topics, sub-topics, etc. In other words, it was their resource library. They believed their collection was superior to the droning material the internet provided. The room provided many resources for their nightly reading.

For Alice, the magazines were gems with pages of pictures of beaches and vacation homes, and smiling people. All this struck her imagination. She became the new Jules Verne, H.G. Wells, and even George Orwell. While the authors penned famous books, Alice composed stories in her head. Some of the stories were full of grace and happiness, while others were dark and hinted at loneliness. Given her circumstances, Alice did not know or understand that she was lonely. Undefined, it lived with her. Centuries of humanity, centuries of deeply layered emotion within her. These emotions waited for discovery; they waited for identification, exposure, and perhaps, just perhaps able to make Alice truly human. While Alice did not understand the reality of becoming fully human, she fully understood, accepted, and lived as part of a computer. Sometimes she imagined herself as the fan that kept everything cool and running, or even the case that kept everything together. She dreamed of the many components and herself being one of them. Life in a wheelchair only added to these fantasies and nightmares.

Apart from sneaking trips into the library where she stroked these images, Alice embraced her carefully planned homeschool that concentrated on mathematics and science. In other words, homeschooling offered little of history, geography, or girls and boys.

Casey and Kim developed a specialized class for Alice that the school board accepted. One night, in a very overloaded agenda, the specialized class plan received only a few seconds of attention from the board. As a result, Alice learned to write computer code. Casey and Kim were taskmasters and pleased that Alice learned quickly. They both hated repeating lessons since, in their emotional and cognitive world, it did not seem productive.

And life went on.

One Monday, as a late teen, Casey and Kim began the weekly custom of Kim shopping for groceries while Casey did repairs and waited for customers when the staid, unchanging world crashed. They did not realize or pinpoint the crash to that day until it was too late to adjust and roll back time. Casey suddenly became ill and dedicated himself to the small room off the main bedroom. Alice looked up to see her father run out of the shop. It was the first time Alice knew what running was. She understood fast wheelchair movement, but seeing her father run was a shock. It was a shock to Casey as well. Alice rolled to the bedroom door she had never entered and asked if she should take over until Mom came home. She really did not know what she was asking; it was just a natural human response to the crisis. Casey, in his weakened condition, agreed.

Alice was now in charge of sales. This was a first.

Soon, a family of three entered. There was a pompous-looking mother, an arrogant-looking father, and a meek, subdued boy. He looked like a fellow who would only speak the words his parents gave him to speak. Nevertheless, he was a boy. While he looked like he did not know how to speak, neither did Alice.

The mother spoke, “He needs a PC for college!” She pointed her finger towards her son. Alice immediately thought, “This isn’t the first time she’s done this.” She was right. Mother said, “His PC at home is, according to him, too old,” Alice asked the model type and answered with her well-versed history of machines. “Ahh, that is about seven years old. It was a good basic machine; however, that line of machines came from overruns of other lines. This means that some parts likely sat in a warehouse for a couple of years, sold at a loss, and installed in that model. This means that his computer may be a seven-year-old model but dated a few years earlier, making it less able. And yes, he will definitely need a new one for college.” This was perhaps the longest single paragraph spoken in Alice’s life!

Although this was Alice’s first time selling, many years of watching provided her with skills. Over the years, nervous customers came seeking new machines or repairs. Know-it-alls, who did not know it all, were frequent visitors. Many seemed to be begging for help. And then there were those who were no standing before her – we want the best, but make it the cheapest folk.

Both parents looked at the basic floor model and asked its price. They gave the appearance that the purchase would bother them because it meant spending money on their son. Alice understood those emotions.

Alice added, “If I knew what studies or program are involved, I might point you in the right direction.” Without missing a beat, the austere mother said, “Engineering like his father, and if he does well, he might join the family firm when he graduates.” The boy looked at his feet. It seemed that even as one headed to college, the abusive, dismissive language and attitude of the parents still stung. Despite years of experience, immunity to the put-downs and insults of his parent did not exist. Again, Alice understood. She did not understand because her parents insulted her; she understood because of the lack of any praise. She understood the emotions of telling and control and the lack of warmth or even love. She felt connected to this boy-man. They were both outsiders not allowed into a rich human home. They were both outsiders to life. The differences being that the boy-man lived in and saw a world of cared about him, while Alice only saw the odd smattering.

Something inside Alice clicked. She wondered, in a naïve yet evolving manner, if she had discovered a kindred soul? Alice then went to war. She did not know this, but she mentally came to the boy-man’s assistance. “Well, madam,” Alice said, while nodding to the father to what she hoped he would interpret as a deference to his self-feeling superiority, “Sir, madam, two things. With that level of computation, you will need this model pointing to the most expensive machine in the store.” She spent a minute explaining the vast differences between the models. She saw that she was winning them over and then added, “One thing I have found in my sales experiences is that people think of the machine they need now, not the model that will serve them very well throughout school and beyond.” Sale sold.

While on a roll, Alice continued, “Now, here is a small thing, but it may make a subliminal difference of a mark or two on submissions is to use a color printer! Most students will likely turn in material using a black ink printer, but a color printer makes one’s work stand out. Yes, it costs more to buy and maintain, but if it quietly helps your son to the marks he deserves, it is worth the investment.” Taking a breath, Alice added, “I am sure that you know that sometimes instructors have favorites. Let us make you son seen and appreciated.” As she spoke, Alice realized that she was not talking about computers or printers but about how the family should appreciate the young man. As she spoke, Alice realized that she was not talking about computers or printers but about how she desired and yearned that she also have a family that truly and lovingly appreciated her.

As Alice spoke, she knew that she did not like the parents and wanted to press them to spend their greed. Computer sold, printer, ink sold.

Next, they looked at and added a new, larger screen with anti-blue light. Sale sold. As Alice rolled in triumph to the sales register, she swivelled and added, “Now, while the new machine has lots of new features and upgrades it would be best if you brought in your older PC so I can mitigate, or safely copy everything over.” With a short pause, she smiled at the young boy-man and added, “No charge.” She did not share that joining the two machines together, looking at the various programs, would likely take her about 20 minutes under her very skilled and trained eyes. She would then go to bed, leaving the machines talking throughout the night. As Alice paused, she thought to herself that she did have very skilled and trained eyes, incredible hands, and dead legs. This thought seemed to appear and disappear daily. The fact that it came to her showed her life’s despair.

As the family paid and left carrying the new printer, accessories, and screen, the young fellow turned and mouthed, “Thank you,” to Alice. She smiled. She smiled at a boy-man for the first time. It felt wonderful. The endless, ever-present message of despair did not appear again that day.

Two days later, the boy-man returned with his guardian mother. He placed the old PC on the workbench. Alice did not see the family at first. She was too immersed in “surfing the web,” for the best solution to an old machine she was rebuilding to be the “fastest, biggest and best ever.” In part, the project was to impress her rarely impressed parents, and more importantly, to impress herself. Alice desired her bubbled life to get bigger. She wanted life beyond her wheelchair and life beyond the shop. While her parents spoke of the difficulties thaw world would impose upon her being in a “mainframe,” Alice still wanted life beyond the store door. Alice knew that going beyond the door meant risks. This was an issue because Alice never saw her parents take a risk. Everything from planned meals to necessary grocery shopping followed detailed routines. As Alice finished putting the outer case on her “fastest, biggest and best ever” personal computer, she heard a bang as the familiar sound of a computer landed beside her on the workbench.

Suddenly, the voice of the boy-man, which came from the voice box of his mother standing beside him, asked, “How long to copy over?” To which Alice said, “Overnight.” She then repeated her comment from the other day as she made eye contact with the tall, gangly, messy-haired young man, “No charge.” Alice asked what they wanted to do with the old computer, to which his mother spoke as the young fellow opened his lips. “Keep the junk.”

Alice smiled. Getting an old computer to cannibalize, or to restore, and to sell as “New but used. Meant a potential sale that would/could/should please her parents. The sizable portion of that smile, however, was the realization that the young gentleman would enter the store and her life for a third time. Under the smile, Alice hoped that the third trip would be a solo trip for the off-to-college student. She yearned to hear his voice.

That was the day Alice met Al.

It was the next morning when Alice heard Al speak for the first time. His voice sounded like the soothing classical music of Vivaldi that her parents played.

“Good morning, Alice, how are you this fine day.” “OMG, the voice, it is divine and knows my name.” Alice then recalled that the shirt bore her name on the logo, Paradise Computer Sales and Repairs. Taking a deep breath and pausing to make sure that she formed every word in a great and positive manner, Alice replied, “I am now (pause) awesome and you.” For the next few hours, as Alice soldered, repaired, and dealt with broken machines, she conversed with Ai all day. Alice now understood what wholeness meant.

Casey and Kim both notice the change in Alice and the presence of Al. It seemed another change had suddenly redirected their lives. With a deep sigh, they realized that their little girl, while forever their little girl, was no longer really a little girl. Ironically, just as Casey and Kim were beginning to let go of their child, it was also the moment they truly felt appreciation and love.

Throughout the day, Al enlightened Alice. Al described the beauty of sunrises and sunsets. This description took a turn when Al slipped into describing the rotation of the earth, atmospheric conditions, and much more. While many would be hurt by the shift from beauty to science, Alice did not mind; not only was she educated, but she also basked in the melodious voice. Alice spent her life being positive. Yet, as she listened, learned, and enjoyed every moment with Al, she recalled words from Dr. Seuss, and “her heart grew three sizes that day.”

Throughout the summer, Al enlightened Alice. Towards the end of summer, Alice asked about boys and girls. She had to stop the long physical recap by Al and ask, “No, you know what I mean.” Al understood, and perfectly recited passages of love from Shakespeare. Soon, other passages become more intimate in description. Flawlessly understanding the situation, Al lowered the tone. Speaking became slower, and some might say personal.

One day, near the end of the summer, after much hesitation and practice, Alice asked if Al could come to her bedroom. Once more, life shifted for Kim and Casey. With a smattering of emotion, just a small smattering, Kim looked at Casey and said, “She is of age.” Casey gave a slight nod of acceptance. He did not nod deeply or with much approval, but nevertheless, he nodded. Turning to Alice, Kim said, “Yes, but keep the bedroom door open – and only until bedtime.” People of faith would clearly say a miracle was emerging in Paradise Computer Sales and Repairs.

So, Alice rolled her heart (the one that was three sizes bigger) to her room and engaged Al in deeper “conversations.”

At 10 p.m., a nervous Kim walked to Alice’s bedroom, nervous of what she might find, but also knowing what she might find. “Alice, it is bedtime, say goodnight to Al.”

A smiling Alice, who was already in bed, thanked her mom, turned to Al, and said, “Al I will see you in the morning.” And with that, she pushed a button and shut down her personal bedroom computer.