I am an extrovert. I talk to everyone. I know the grocery store staff by name. Yet, as much as I exude outwardness, I greatly value my quiet time. Typically, with a coffee, a delightful bonus.

I appreciate both my outward zeal for life and my inward journey. Indeed, we all need to learn to love life with others and especially to love ourselves. This is a timeless human reality. The Temple of Apollo in Delphi is inscribed with “Know thyself.” This is repeated when Shakespeare famously penned, “This above all else to thine own self be true.” So here are a few short images that may assist you on the most difficult journey—self-discovery.

First, when writing my book, I spent a lot of time typing. Now, since I failed the keyboarding class decades ago, I use two fingers—however, this slowness stimulates thinking! I reflect on what was written. The cycle would repeat as I looked at more research, typed anew, and pondered.

Second, I believe pondering, or reflection is sorely lacking in society. We are too impatient and demand instant gratification. I like to say. “We are overloaded, overstressed, overwhelmed, and perhaps overdosed.” Thus we have barriers holding us back. My dad said to me, on many occasions, that the best response to anyone’s question was, “That is a good question, let me think about it.” Yes, we need to be reflective.

Third, one day a few years ago an image evolved in me. It was from J.M. Barrie’s, “Boy Who Wouldn’t Grow Up.” Yes, the story of Peter Pan, the leader of the Lost Boys. As in the book and play Peter he lost his shadow. Likewise, it was only when Wendy sewed it back that Peter became complete. It occurred to me that Peter became whole when he faced his shadows. This is a task for all of us. How often and how deeply do we look into ourselves?

We should embrace what John of the Cross called, “the dark night of the soul.” Alas, in postmodernism we live in “shallowness.” Look at Nicholas Carr’s book on this topic! We also constantly wittingly and unwittingly seek our next dopamine fix. Look at Anna Lembke’s book on this topic. We need to step into the depths of our lives unrushed.

Sometimes we need to sit still and look at our shadows. Sometimes, we need to let them find us. We need to listen deeply; it is a reality that cannot be rushed or forced.

In our never-quiet world, where noise is everywhere we should embrace silence. We also need to listen to the non-artificial world. In Japan, they have Shinrin-Yoku, or “forest bathing.” Thus, people go into forests to listen to nature and their deep selves. Sometimes folks attend this action with a doctor’s prescription. Naturally, all phones and devices are left behind. Research shows that folks often return with lower blood pressure and other benefits.

In simple language, we should discover the depth of who we are. Only when we deeply know who we are, able to truly love others. Life is not making money; it is making one’s life whole.